Sunday, September 24, 2006

Epiphany

Reading this morning (avoiding work, but this find was a gift, so well worth it), I came across a post from Skinny Sara in which she talks about the moment she made the decision to lose weight and get healthy. It's a beautiful post and put me in mind of something in the AA Big Book (what doesn't? I've thought about that, I refer to it so much, but then I realized that it's a book about life and so it makes sense.)

Anyway, Sara writes that it wasn't enough that her weight ~ at close to 400 pounds ~ was killing her, that she was suffocating and struggling to breathe, that her swollen feet were cracking and finding shoes was an impossibility. The thing that got her was when someone she respected asked her offhandedly about whether or not her weight had impeded her success in business.

In answering that question, Sara came to this: "Every bite of food I’d shoved into my mouth, every moment I’d given up, every place I hadn’t gone, and every experience I’d avoided because my overweight body made it too difficult or even impossible to contemplate, was my own fault. It was a realization long overdue, and one that could have been fraught with self-pity and sent me spiraling deeper into hopeless despair. Instead, it was the first glimmer of hope I’d felt in years. After the words were spoken, it made perfect sense to me: If the life I was living and the body I was living it in were a direct result of my own choices, if I had done this to myself, if the fault was my own, that meant that the power to change it was also mine. . . . And that was it. That was the moment I decided that I could do this. So I am."

That speaks to me on so many levels, thank you Sara. And it takes me to that phrase in the Big Book that is the essence of freedom: "So our problems, we think, are basically of our own making." That is a freedom because if I am in charge and my problems are my own, then I am free to make changes. If my problems are the result of some other, some outside circumstance, some other place, something else, then I am powerless to effect a change.

If I got myself here ~ not my sad childhood or abuse or mistreatment or genetics or this or that or any of the myriad of reasons why we end up overweight ~ then I can get myself out. No excuses, no blame, just responsibility and action. Of course the past and our life experiences play into it, but the bottom line is all of that is over. What am I going to do today? Am I going to eat and put it off one more day? Or will I make decisions today that will lead me to a healthy fit future? I got myself here. I did it. That means I can change it. And like Sara, I am.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Kim said...

Wow - reading this has hitten me hard. Thank you for putting it out there. These were words that I needed to hear. :)

September 24, 2006 9:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lynette,

I read your blog daily, and have been remiss in commenting on the numerous posts that have inspired and tickled me. I won't let it happen again, please forgive!

I am honored that what I wrote struck a chord with you. I started my website because I was tired of pretending that my weight didn't matter, tired of all the avoidance and obfuscation of the issues that needed to be talked about. There were things I wanted to say out loud (or in print, anyway) that I was certain that other people would relate to. Lately it has come to my attention that people are actually reading what I have to say, and it's encouraged me to keep up the dialogue.

Thank you for your words of wisdom and for being a voice I can relate to in this world.

September 24, 2006 10:05 PM  
Blogger angelfish24 said...

Thanks for the post about Sara's reason to lose weight. It's a realization I have come to also. I know it's not outside forces it has been me all along doing it to myself. No longer, I have made this getting healthy a priority in my life and my needs more of a priority. Not to say I don't have guilt about putting myself first sometimes but I know my family deserves the best me I can be.

September 24, 2006 11:26 PM  
Blogger Twisted Cinderella said...

What an amazing post. Very inspiring. I have come to a similar realization lately as well. It is what has made me not give up when I have a hard day, or when I hit a plateau. I WILL live my life to be a healthier me. I have this choice.

September 25, 2006 8:56 AM  
Blogger Vickie said...

I wrote about you today on my blog - I thought you might want to read it.

Vickie

http://baby-steps-v.blogspot.com/

September 26, 2006 5:07 AM  
Blogger V'ron said...

Yes YEs Yes YEs Yes! The moment we take responsibility for our problems (be they weight or not) is the liberating moment. Rather than taking on a huge guilty "it's all my fault" we take on the power to do somethign about it. As long as we believe its external forces, we're not going to do anything. As soon as you accept the responsibility, you gain the power. I remember my epiphany on this: when I finally admitted to myself "I'm fat -- and its me!" I was able to do something about it!

September 26, 2006 11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post Belle. Once again you inspire me (and Sarah too) to continue on my path. I have had the sense of new found freedom lately. I think this may be why. Thanks.

September 26, 2006 12:54 PM  
Blogger A BLOG NOT HERE said...

Hi Lynette :)

Thank you for sharing Sara's words with us, hon as well as YOUR words that have just touched me and made me cry and nod my head.

I think I will go and thank Sara right now.

September 27, 2006 5:46 PM  

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