Sunday, September 10, 2006

My greatest fear

Over the last year or two, my greatest fear with regard to my weight was that I would become wholly disabled either due to stroke, congestive heart failure, or because I would become so immense I'd be unable to tend to my personal care needs.

By "personal care needs" I mean wiping my own rear end. I clearly remember hearing a woman talk at an OA convention 25 years ago about having become so immense she had to use something called a "johnny mop" to clean herself. I heard a male speaker several years later who had to give over his daily hygiene to another in entirety: he could not reach with a johnny mop or anything else.

I was blessed by the distribution of my weight, I suppose. It was not gathered round my middle, but more evenly distributed top to toe, a bit more so on the ass. It was still becoming difficult, which simply made me more obsessively dedicated. But I hated it, hated it with a passion born of humiliation and fear and a hopelessness that was everpresent. Coupled with all of that was the absolute knowledge that another 30-40-50 pounds would put me over the edge into unable to manage alone. God forbid, I think it would be unbearable.

Reading this morning about a 1200 pound man, I came across a link for this handy little item: The CleanButt BidetSpa. It promises "Personal Hygiene for the Handicapped or Disabled: The CleanButt BidetSpa can help many people who have limitations in body movement because of a handicap or disability! Self confidence and personal dignity is restored knowing you can now use the toilet once again without the need for assistance. Deeply appreciated by care-givers across the country, this completely hands-free, personal hygiene toilet appliance, allows the user to experience the refreshing and gentle affects of the warm water, cleansing the genital and rectal areas in privacy. This of course is followed by a relaxing warm air dryer so that there's no need for toilet paper or embarrassing assistance from anyone else."

I am delighted to know there's an alternative, though I hope and pray that I never reach that point of obesity. It breaks my heart to think about people trapped in bodies so huge that there is no option but to surrender all dignity. What a nightmare this thing can be. I am very, very grateful this morning.

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Blogger angelfish24 said...

Guess I hadn't really thought about this topic too much. Though at my highest wt. this spring I thought it was getting a little harder. Darn big tummy, it seemed to be the biggest yet after having a baby a few yrs ago and now the slowest to retract. I do sometimes think, god, I hope I'm able to care for myself when I'm old. I've seen the inside of the care centers and it's not too pretty. People laying around waiting to dye...uggghh. My grandpa was in one before he died and it was awful. What I think about lately is seeing very, very large people here at my gym, the Y, and I see them attempt to get into the water out of their little rascal scooters and just get in the water and not really do the exercise and later I see them eating lunch. I figure at least their doing something but I think it's just to have an activity to do. I never want my wt to be an obstacle to getting around. It must be awful and now that I notice a couple of people in rascals I notice them everywhere, in stores, in restaurants. It depresses me. Ok, think I'm finally ready to go out and do some walking now that I'm thinking about this!!! Have a good week and congrats on the wt loss, that's awesome!

September 10, 2006 1:17 PM  
Blogger TrixieBelden said...

Wow, that is a really difficult thing to think about. Thanks for sharing something so personal.

September 10, 2006 6:31 PM  
Blogger Crazy In Shreveport said...

I know what you mean. Working as a dealer at a casino I see lots of folks coping with thier health problems -- like toting oxygen or getting around in scooters.

Most of them (not all but most) can be linked to bad choices, like smoking and overeating. Before I come across as looking down on these folks, please know I'm right there 'cause I've always dealt with my stress by overeating and I have the stretch marks to prove it.

Funny that you mention this contraption 'cause my fear has always been that I'd end up in one of those scooters and I guess the bottom wiping would come with the territory.

September 10, 2006 7:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

angel, i hate those rascals. i know they're necessary, but they're everywhere, you're right.

trixie, it is difficult to think about those things. as i said, i'm grateful i never got to that point, but i have no illusions about the fact that i could be one of those folks trapped in the house.

i don't have a top weight ~ aha! a great post topic ;-) so thank you for that. over and over i've reached a certain number on the scale and thought "okay, that's it, no further. this is my top weight!!!" only to exceed it once again.

i think i am atypical. most folks who are fat have some weight to lose, but don't reach the grand proportions that a few of us do. somewhere along the line i lost my brakes.

the good thing, though, is that having been enormously enormous, i can feel pretty fit and frisky at what would be considered enormous for another :-) i love love love having lost 113 pounds and knowing more is coming or . . . err . . going ;-) and i'm feeling kickass in the process.


September 10, 2006 7:44 PM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

It really is quite upsetting to think about folks that need that kind of assistance. I definitely got to a point where my weight made a lot of activities difficult, but I guess I'm lucky also in that I've been required to keep after a small child. It has kept me flexible and fairly quick.

September 11, 2006 3:22 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Like you, I hope I never get that big too. I am well distributed, at least in my point-of-view, with my fatness as a morbidly obese woman. When I was pregnant, I was almost calling the troops in when it came for me to make sure I was dutifully clean cause my belly was too baby swollen to allow my arms to clean myself when using the was really scary.

September 13, 2006 9:38 PM  

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