Monday, October 16, 2006

Meltdown

I sat on my front steps crying my eyes out this evening. Just too much over the last two weeks: 80 hours of estate sale work for the mother-in-law plus running my business, and then she managed to lose 1/3 of the funds collected at the sale. I am so tired, so overwhelmed, just can't get back into my life as I want it to be. This was too much and that's a lesson I've learned over and over ~ I just never seem to figure it out in the midst of whatever it is, only after the fact when I'm as deflated as a used condom. I am deflated, tired, sad.

Addendum: Woke up this morning, October 17, feeling the same way. Started thinking these meltdowns occur with some regularity. Searched through my other blog and found a post titled Insanity, which comes close to expressing how I feel right now, with that tremendous urge to just run away and abandon my post in this life I know. The only difference today is that I'm not sure I'd miss the husband. I'd definitely miss the dogs. Malaise? Incipient madness? Diagnosis, anyone?

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15 Comments:

Anonymous Lynn said...

Diagnosis: life.

Let's face it, you've been on a roll lately. A meltdown was looming. Tomorrow is a new day and the estate sale is over. Get to the gym and pump some music into your ears. Or make a choice to just be miserable for a little while, that's totally okay too. Maybe it's where you need to be. Don't run away, though, problems tend to follow.

Missing you and was glad you posted today and know that you will see the light. XOXO

October 17, 2006 10:12 AM  
Blogger Crazy In Shreveport said...

Ouch. She managed to lose 1/3 of the funds? I'm sure it was an accident but I could also see how that would hurt your feelings after you've worked so hard to get everything done. Like why bother?

I used to dream of running away. I pass by the bus station several times a week. I'd think about parking the van and hopping a bus to Tulsa and living with my dad. But he's sold that house and is now living down here... adding to my stress. sigh.

Hey, maybe we just need a vacation!

Kathryn

October 17, 2006 11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you've had a good night's sleep and feel better today. It was really disrespectful of your mother in law to take your hard work so lightly as to not keep proper track of the takings.

October 17, 2006 4:17 PM  
Blogger Rowan said...

I still sometimes want to run away, dye my hair and join a circus...but I stay here anyway.
I read "Pull of the Moon" about a woman who leaves her husband (for awhile). I thought it was good and kind of helped me see that no matter where you run to, there you are:-)
I do hope your having a better week...

October 17, 2006 6:01 PM  
Blogger angelfish24 said...

Sorry to hear about your mil losing some of her funds. That sucks and doesn't make you feel good. I know what you mean by the running away thing. When I was younger my hubby and I did just that. Well, we got into scuba diving, took a year to get ready, went down to miami became instructors and then off to Maui and to Cayman Islands for 2 years. People thought we were crazy for doing something so different and just leaving it all behind. Well, left it in storage. It was a lot of fun at times and didn't make a lot of money but you know, if you have any problems they just come with you; and being in remote places seemed to make them larger. Anyway, I do hope your feeling better soon and can get some time to yourself to rejuvinate. Yoga has been helping me out with that lately.

October 18, 2006 3:51 AM  
Blogger Miss Michele said...

ahh restless irritable and discontent. i know it well my friend. hang in there. it passes. it doesn't pass for me, but i know it will pass for you..

thinking of you...

xoxo
michele

October 18, 2006 4:21 AM  
Anonymous redheadgirl said...

I don't have a diagnosis, but you do sound quite sad which concerns me. I don't know you well enough to diagnose, but it sounds like you had more on your plate than could be handled. It's only natural to be deflated afterwards. And on the positive side, you did realize you would miss the husband, etc... I'm sorry you're blue and I hope it passes quickly. As Mr. Irving says, "keep passing the open windows". :)

October 18, 2006 7:39 AM  
Blogger V'ron said...

I don't have a diagnosis (I'm in a bit of a rut myself) but if you can, do a mini-run-away. See if you can get yourself to a spa for a day or even a weekend. At the very minimum, get a facial done. You sound stressed, and at that awful point where you might not be taking care of yourself becasue you don't feel like you have TIME to because there's just too much to do and worry about and stress over and and and and and and and and STOP.

Having a good cry on the steps probably did you good. We all need to do that now and again. Next step: go out and do something positive for yourself. Personally, I hate manicures and pedicures, but if you like them, they're in the same league as getting a facial or a massage: if forces you to sit back, relax, and let it all BE ABOUT YOU. And if something doesn't get done or is late or puts you behind, tough fertilizer for everybody else. Focus on something that makes you happy.

For me, that means a facial and a massage. It ain't cheap, but its 2 and a half hours in a soothing environment that's ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

October 18, 2006 8:52 AM  
Blogger Grumpy Chair said...

Hang in there. About five years ago, when I still lived in Tulsa, I went through a horrible and stressful few months and just wanted to run away and live out the life you describe in your post "Insanity". I hope you are feeling better by today.

P.S. - One lovely lady I worked with recommended I go get a massage at the little beauty parlor/mini spa where she went in on a weekly basis. It's located in downtown Bixby on the corner of the main strip across the street from a local chain hamburger joint.

October 18, 2006 9:36 AM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

Sorry you're going through this, sweetie. I find that I go through the same thing once or twice a year. I call it my semi-annual nervous breakdown.

Do something nice for yourself - take a few days off, or plan a mini-getaway in the not-too-distant future. Then think about what's causing it all. Overwork? Taking too much emotional weight on yourself? Time for a life change?

Hang in there and let us know how you're doing.

Big hugs!

October 18, 2006 11:28 AM  
Blogger Vickie said...

Are you feeling any better? Get as much sleep as you can and try to get a little sunshine too.

October 18, 2006 12:50 PM  
Anonymous Travis said...

{{{bigassbelle}}}

As they say in program, this too shall pass.

You're in my prayers.

Travis

October 18, 2006 4:21 PM  
Blogger FatMom said...

You're in a funk, girl, and need to nurture YOURSELF some. It'll pass. No worries!

October 18, 2006 5:58 PM  
Anonymous Sara said...

Keep your chin up, Belle. Packing up our Barbies and hitting the road is only a good idea for a few hours--and only when we're eight years old.

I'm thinking of you. Take care of yourself and check back in when you're feeling up to it.

October 18, 2006 8:36 PM  
Blogger Spider63 said...

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Focus on your weight loss and not on the distractions.

October 19, 2006 5:48 AM  

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