Monday, October 02, 2006

Too much

As has been my habit in life, I am currently in the midst of too much to do. We're behind on shipping at the shop and I can only work three of my usual four days this week because I'm conducting the estate sale for my mother-in-law, who has turned so demanding I'd almost like to bury her under the weight of this house full of possessions.

I am missing my morning reading and coffee drinking, missing my 1-2 days of my 3-day weekends spent doing nothing. I am missing idleness which I have found is a requisite part of a happy, contented life and thus a foundation for living free of the urge to overeat. One week to go ~ the sale's this Friday ~ and I'll be back to the life I've made for myself, the one that fills me up and restores me and makes me feel at home in my life.

The end result of this is that I will not have to dip into savings to finish remodeling my bathroom ~ the one with the clawfoot tub and the 1800s French oak marble-topped vanity and the stained glass window. I want that bathtub even more than I want my free mornings and weekends, but I'm still cranky about letting go of my little pleasures in order to do this thing.

Overwork is an affliction that's plagued me throughout life, starting with my first jobs as a teen and continuing through my crazy twenties and thirties in which I was always employed and usually had an extra job or two on the side, even when I was a maniac and a party girl and a drunk. Even in social work, I avoided the 8-5 jobs and went for the killer positions with 24 hour, 7 day a week call, or 24 hour emergency response and first responder on child deaths and hospitalizations.

I think overwork can be as much of an addiction as food. My husband insists I'm an adrenaline junky and I'm not happy unless I've got a crisis going on. I can see that in my past, but I don't think it's the case now. Funny how pushing myself beyond reason always took extra quantities of sugar, though. I guess I had to fill up somehow. Finding balance in this area is just about as difficult as finding balance with the food. I am, in this, a work in progress.


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