Saturday, November 11, 2006

Big Ass Belle again

When I left off writing at Notes On My Life to start focusing on my health, it was in part because I'd become so despondent over our political climate that I couldn't focus on anything else.

I started this blog as a means of accountability. I know that accountability works and is a necessary part of my recovery as a food addict. So here I am being accountable again.

It is a pattern in my life to set aside the maintenance of me to pursue other things: work, the health needs of others, other folks' crises, disasters of one kind of another, work, work and, most often, work.

Once again, I've repeated this tired and destructive pattern. It started with my mother-in-law's estate sale and then continued as we neared the mid-term elections with too much focus on a new employee's difficult living situations and my anxiety over the outcome of the vote.

I asked my husband the other day why he thinks it is that I have this almost insurmountable need to help. It's true that many, many people in the world could use a little help, but it's really not necessary that Little Miss Fix-It jump into every untenable situation to provide a solution. It's not. I did make a career of helping, but. I. retired. It's so hard to remember that. I'm not a child abuse investigator anymore. I sell antiques. Got to get it through this noggin.

So Little Miss Big Ass Fix-It is turning around once again to take a look at herself and what she needs. She needs to eliminate some of the "too much" crap going on at work. She requires regular doses of quiet time. She needs time with puppies sleeping on her lap. She needs to get back to the gym, and she needs to take enough time to be able to eat healthy.

Can I fix myself? I've done it before. I'm not broken, but I need a tune-up. I also need Help and will ask for that. We'll see what happens.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Belle,

Having lost my cat recently to cancer, I can sympathize with your descent into bad habits. I'm in the same place, particularly in regard to desserts.

I noticed that when you cited the (very noble indeed) ways you help people, you didn't mention this blog. Even though we don't know each other, your writings have given me a new outlook on food addiction, and the pitfalls I need to look out for.

When writing this blog, you're in big-time Ms. Fixit mode, as far as your readers are concerned.

Gordion Knott

November 11, 2006 10:34 AM  
Anonymous Lynn said...

I knew something was up when you weren't writing as much. I miss you so. Thanks for dropping by and I look forward to hearing about your new focus on YOU.
XO

November 11, 2006 9:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I fix myself? I've done it before. I'm not broken, but I need a tune-up. I also need Help and will ask for that. We'll see what happens.

Just had a wakeup call myself. And realized that some things I can't control and some I can.

I have empowered myself to do something about reducing my weight and increasing my exercize regimen. I might never be 100% healthy again, but it won't be for want of trying.

It's a daily battle, and this weekend I took 2 steps backward. However, last week I took 3 steps forward, and I'm still a step ahead.

You keep plugging away, BigAssBelle. Your story is as familiar to me as my own.

November 12, 2006 11:11 AM  

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