Saturday, January 06, 2007

Why?

Don't get me wrong, I love my people. I love the south and 96% of everything about it. I adore the way we talk, our kindness, our sassiness, our collective sense of humor. I love southern food, southern ways, the southern sense of honor. I love our lush landscape, our architecture and lack thereof, our tortured writers of gothic tales and the fact that we stick our lunatics right out on the front porch for everyone to see. I detest the stereotypical southerner's bigotry and am thankful that, in reality, it's not nearly so common as yankees believe. Neither is our generally presumed stupidity as pervasive as the stereotypes would lead one to believe. And there is nothing on this earth as fine as a ripe tomato sandwich on white bread with Miracle Whip(yes, Miracle Whip).

I drive a Mini and a Dodge Ram Pickup and I love them both. Heading to auction yesterday evening in the Mini, I encountered one of my people, actually a whole gaggle of them, encased in an immense Dodge Ram Dually with extended cab and bed. It was a monster of a truck. Driving a truck myself, I do not, of course, judge truck people. I need mine for my business and assume that Joe Willie in his big green monster needed his for something.

What I judge is this:

And I can only ask why. Why would a man hang testicles off the back of his bigass truck? I wouldn't hang a rubber vagina off my little Mini Cooper. Do I need to see dangling testicles as I'm speeding down the road. All due respect, testicles aren't the most attractive of body parts. There's a reason God made men to wear pants and that's to minimize any chance exposure of these unattractive objets to the world at large. Cover them up. They can be great fun, but please don't hang them off your bumper. Don't. Just . . . don't. Please.

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19 Comments:

Blogger jen said...

I've seen these and I don't live in the South. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

January 06, 2007 9:06 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Lol... what is this world coming to :)

January 07, 2007 4:13 AM  
Blogger evilganome said...

Honey, I am reminded of a guerilla campaign that a lady friend of mine went on. She had bumper stickers printed up (The cheap kind that are impossible to get off) They said, "My truck is so big because my dick is so small" For a while they were gracing bigass trucks all over the Boston area.

January 07, 2007 5:46 AM  
Anonymous Sara said...

We live dead-center mid-west, and I see these around too. Sadly, there are many variations of these, from uber-realistic (think nylon hair and veins) to totally stylistic (chrome & blue sparkles).

Seriously.

January 07, 2007 11:17 AM  
Blogger La Girlie said...

That is so hilarious lol I wouldn't personally advise anyone I know to do this lol But they have a good sense of humor..we at least I hope they are joking hehehe

January 07, 2007 12:00 PM  
Blogger Charlie O. Edinburgh said...

Oh dear. Well... Rest assured that just as southerners are not all like that, neither are MEN all like that. I have never even had the desire to hang balls off of a vehicle of mine. :)

January 07, 2007 2:12 PM  
Anonymous Lynn said...

Yes, they allow people like this to procreate--and vote, too!

January 07, 2007 7:35 PM  
Blogger FindingONEderland said...

Oh my god....I think I would have been laughing at the fools so hard I would have had a hard time keeping my car on the road. Maybe we can get them one of the bumper stickers listed above.

January 07, 2007 9:48 PM  
Blogger jinxy said...

Ugh. That's what I get for reading blogs in the morning.

That is so typical of so many Southern men. I say this as a Southernor who has been all over the world. I have seen Asian tastelessness on display, European tastelessness on display, and South American tastelessness on display. But when you see something like that, it just makes you think, only in America, and usually in the South.

January 08, 2007 8:02 AM  
Anonymous Travis said...

Actually, you think that's bad? Try the ones I've seen that are BLUE. ;)

Travis

January 08, 2007 11:55 AM  
Anonymous Ms. Place said...

Oh, darlin, he seems so in tune with every teensy weensy part of his body. I think he's sweet to share his primary interest with the entire world.

January 08, 2007 9:20 PM  
Blogger Crazy In Shreveport said...

Happy to report from the deeeeep south -- I haven't seen these things.

Just watched part of Kill Bill II and had a heated discussion about the vehicle Uma drove --- the "pussy wagon." The census in the house was that the area police would cover up the offensive words with duct tape. I'm sure they'd do the same with a dangling balls or at least make them tuck them (then would the truck become a drag-truck?).

January 09, 2007 7:09 AM  
Blogger angelfish24 said...

The first time I saw these hanging off a truck I had to laugh. Then, I thought why do you need to do this, so crude. To each his own I suppose but what's next, somethign even worse I'm afraid.
Way to go on all of your working out! I don't always want to workout but I love how I feel after. Have a great week!

January 09, 2007 4:31 PM  
Blogger Red7Eric said...

I think it's kind of funny, actually. Wouldn't do it myself, but hey.

And I'd say the same even if you did hang a big rubber vagina on the back of your Mini. 'Cause I'm good people that way.

January 09, 2007 7:33 PM  
Blogger V'ron said...

I tell you, I remember the first time I saw those, here in Wisconsin, where "Theme From Deliverance" runs through my head just as often as it would in the south. An entirely different key, nevertheless it runs through my head.

January 09, 2007 9:42 PM  
Blogger David said...

While at the proper time and in the proper place I find this part of the anatomy rather appealing, in the context of auto-styling, ugh.

January 10, 2007 3:42 PM  
Anonymous Kamrin said...

I saw the blue ones hanging off a truck in the Children's Hospital parking lot! My 5 year old was demanding me to tell her what they were! Eeekkk! I claimed stupidity. Sigh.

January 12, 2007 11:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But we're DRAWN that way!

Freddy, P'town

January 14, 2007 11:41 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

April 10, 2008 7:33 PM  

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