Wednesday, February 21, 2007


In my futile but lifelong effort to transform my food addicted self into a normal person, I am revising yet again my eating plan. I know I need a plan. OA tells me "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail," but there's a little voice in my head saying "it's okay to go slow."

So am back to a couple of shakes a day and a meal and a snack, something like that. The point is flexibility. I vacillate between absolute rigidity and some sort of fluid approach to food. Too fluid = big binges, but absolute rigidity seems beyond my grasp at this moment.

I learned this yesterday after returning from Ponca City, taking my sister to the airport and finding myself starving. Starving, I tell you! Starving!! So I stopped at a fast store thinking I'd get a protein bar kind of thing. When I am thinking protein bar, I should never, ever stop to read the ingredients. These things have to be manufactured by Dow or Pfizer and they actually smell and taste like it. Yuck.

So instead of the plan-approved protein bar, I looked around and there were grapes. Red, luscious, fresh grapes all clean and lovely in a nice portion-sized cup. I dropped the chemi-bar and snagged the grapes. I went to the park and sat in the grass feeling a delicious sense of gratitude for the beauty of the day, the sun, the breeze, and each one of those cold, crisp, delicious, divine little bursts of juicy sweetness.

Life may be too short to not eat grapes. I am forever grateful for the 6-7 months I was able to do on a full liquid diet because it gave me such freedom. I got rid of a pile of weight and feel frisky and fit and strong. I can do the rest with a more moderate plan of a few meal replacements and a real meal, something to share with friends or my sweetheart. It's okay not to be in a rush. It is. Isn't it?

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Anonymous tater said...

It is not only okay not to be in a rush, it's healthier not to be in a rush. We don't develop unhealthy habits overnight, and we will not attain perfection over night either. To try and do so puts you in a fight or flight stress response, and does your body harm. Strive for balance, not perfection, and you will find it the perfect place to be.

February 21, 2007 8:33 AM  
Blogger Ms. Place said...

I absolutely adore grapes, and prefer them over those artificial bars you describe. I know I am a food addict, and I just love my glass of wine and a nice slab of pate when watching my favorite Bravo shows, but every calorie seems to cling to my body these days. The only absolutely fool proof weight watcher's program for me is having a ton of fresh fruits and veggies on hand, and eating them in small portions 6-7 times per day. Oh, and lots of exercize.

Now, ask me if I follow this regimen! :)

February 21, 2007 8:42 AM  
Blogger jodi said...

i think most women, if given the option between losing weight fast or slow, would chose the later... i would in a heartbeat but have learned too much in the last couple of years that is just not the answer... lose it fast, gain it back even faster - that's how i look at it... plus, when losing fast - you're not really learning anything or making permanent changes... that's my thought anyway... :o)

February 21, 2007 9:11 AM  
Blogger LSL said...

Thanks for continuing to post about your process. It's a helpful reminder that there are ups and downs (and ups and downs and ups and . . . )

February 21, 2007 9:50 AM  
Blogger angelfish24 said...

Slow and steady is the way to go. You are on the right track. I know what you mean by the protein bars, sometimes they aren't that good. Fruit is better any day.

February 21, 2007 1:30 PM  
Blogger angelfish24 said...

Slow and steady is the way to go. You are on the right track. I know what you mean by the protein bars, sometimes they aren't that good. Fruit is better any day.

February 21, 2007 1:30 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

WOW! All liquid. I simply couldn't. New reader here...

February 21, 2007 1:39 PM  
Blogger TrixieBelden said...

It's definitely okay to not be in a rush. The only calendar or schedule you need to concern yourself with is the one your body is telling you to follow. You have a good ear for what you need. Just listen and take your time.

p.s. I love grapes and I do the same thing at school in the cafeteria that you did in the airport - snag a small container of grapes before class. They are awesome!

February 21, 2007 3:59 PM  
Blogger David said...

How is eating grapes transgressive? Sounds perfectly healthy to me. Those shakes are what worry me. In slowly changing one's diet, I'd pick real food over meal replacement any day. Sounds like you were able to handle yourself quite well in the fast-food store. That's the key: making smart eating decisions when you have limited choices.

February 21, 2007 4:12 PM  
Blogger evilganome said...

I know about the grapes. I am suppose to watch my sugar intake, which includes most fruit and carrots believe it or not. As for protein bars, the less said the better. Sawdust and sugar, also they lie about the amount of carbohydrates by not including the carbs from sugar in there. The best diet is the one that lets you live a healthy life and allows for some cheating. Setting up rigid diets is a formula for failure. If you fall off the wagon you've ruined your diet. If you give yourself one cheat day a month, you aren't doing any real harm and you are giving yourself some sort of reward to look forward to. Also your junk food choices start becoming less junky. Whew, the old queen really went on din' she?

February 21, 2007 4:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Belle, the crash dieting celebrities and models whom you may have read or heard aboout, and beaten your self up about, were almost certainly helping themselves along with illegal or doctor-presribed speed. Probably many of them smoked, too.

Our bodies were designed for life, not the catwalk. You're far more literate in the science of metababolism that I, so you know how the body will do as much as it can within the laws of Thermodynamics to retain nutrients, the most important of which is calories. Because you firecely value your sobriety, you must go slow.

--Freddy in Ptown

February 21, 2007 7:11 PM  
Blogger Mal said...

It's so interesting because there seems to be a huge theme this week in the blogs of people having to change their timing expectations. Everyone wants to rush through to skinny but their bodies aren't following suit. It's TOTALLY okay to not be in a rush. I'm proud of you for saying so.

February 22, 2007 2:27 AM  
Anonymous Lacuna said...

Hi Belle,
Just wanted to drop in my thoughts, if that's okay! I would completely agree with the idea of going slow - it's all about instituting long lasting changes through building up new habits, and the best way to help yourself along to success if to do that slowly and give yourself time to adjust. Who knows, in 6 months time it may seem like the most natural thing in the world!

And also, yes, grapes have sugar in them, but really, don't you think you did so much better to pick those delicious little munchies than a slab of chocolate? You're doing really well already!

February 22, 2007 8:39 AM  

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