How many days?

Let's see, 18 hours in the ER with the husband since Monday. Lots of uncertainty. Behind at work as a result of hanging out in Florida for a week. Fired a guy who works for me this afternoon. And yes, still no sugar. Still. No. Sugar.

It's better today and I'm getting a reminder of how I felt before I took it back. The AA book talks about those "strange mental blank spots," wherein we find ourselves doing things we swore we'd never do again.

I started eating sugar again for the 49,673d time, having failed to successfully manage it 49,672 times. I used the excuse I've used 19,162 times ~ "I can moderate like other people, I'm better now" ~ though I'd failed to do so 19,161 times. I might be exaggerating a little bit, so consider those numbers +/- 10.

Happy today despite it all. That's what being clean does for me. How easy to forget.