One day
One day down on nutritional boot camp. Almost anyway. As often happens when I go cold turkey off sugar, there's a screaming bitch inside of me. What more proof do I need of the fact that sugar is a drug?
I remember telling the little sweet gray haired ladies in a morning OA meeting that I was finally clean from sugar and felt like a scream with skin on. That's what today has been like.
Important alert: this crazy woman inside of me has lost the thin veneer of respectability that glosses over her native tongue, profanity. I run my head into this wall of addiction and shriek OUCH! I rub my head, back away, go about my business. I run full tilt into the wall and scream SHIT THAT HURTS!! I bandage my wounds, back away, go about my business. I run my head into this fucking wall until my skull cracks open and I scream MOTHERFUCKER!!!! I screw my skull back together and stagger away. I run full force into this son of a bitching cocksucking shit eating wall and I scream I GIVE THE FUCK UP, THAT HURTS, I DON'T WANT ANYMORE.
And having written that, there's a little voice inside that says "really? are you sure?" God help me, I am sure for this moment. I'm an addict. I am.
Taking the husband to the ER. If you're a praying person, say a prayer for Mike.
I remember telling the little sweet gray haired ladies in a morning OA meeting that I was finally clean from sugar and felt like a scream with skin on. That's what today has been like.
Important alert: this crazy woman inside of me has lost the thin veneer of respectability that glosses over her native tongue, profanity. I run my head into this wall of addiction and shriek OUCH! I rub my head, back away, go about my business. I run full tilt into the wall and scream SHIT THAT HURTS!! I bandage my wounds, back away, go about my business. I run my head into this fucking wall until my skull cracks open and I scream MOTHERFUCKER!!!! I screw my skull back together and stagger away. I run full force into this son of a bitching cocksucking shit eating wall and I scream I GIVE THE FUCK UP, THAT HURTS, I DON'T WANT ANYMORE.
And having written that, there's a little voice inside that says "really? are you sure?" God help me, I am sure for this moment. I'm an addict. I am.
Taking the husband to the ER. If you're a praying person, say a prayer for Mike.
Labels: addiction, sugar withdrawal
posted by BigAssBelle at 8:22 PM
5 Comments:
I don't really pray, but I'm thinking good thoughts -- what's up? Everything okay?
Sorry to hear you are in a rough spot. I've been there lately too. Take it one day at a time as I sure you are. Let us know how you are doing tomorrow and this is just one moment in time. It does get better. I'm not sure I could do the shake thing, I wouldn't last long on that.
Thx for the Tyra clip, that's great.
I hope everything worked out okay at the ER. I don't really pray either, but you are both in my thoughts.
Lynette,
Glad your back, hope everything went okay with Mike. Just had to take my guy in as well for pneumonia. Love your line, "felt like a scream with a skin on." Pretty much sums up addiction, and the attending frustrations. There were times when I could do nothing but chant the serenity prayer for an hour or two just to keep my damn skin on. Sent Mike a prayer, send one out for Jim if you could.
Tater
Welcome back Lynette. Sorry to hear the world is turning to shit right at the moment. I will think good thoughts about you and Mike. I hope everything is working out okay. I'll keep checking in on you.
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