Monday, February 05, 2007

One day

One day down on nutritional boot camp. Almost anyway. As often happens when I go cold turkey off sugar, there's a screaming bitch inside of me. What more proof do I need of the fact that sugar is a drug?

I remember telling the little sweet gray haired ladies in a morning OA meeting that I was finally clean from sugar and felt like a scream with skin on. That's what today has been like.

Important alert: this crazy woman inside of me has lost the thin veneer of respectability that glosses over her native tongue, profanity. I run my head into this wall of addiction and shriek OUCH! I rub my head, back away, go about my business. I run full tilt into the wall and scream SHIT THAT HURTS!! I bandage my wounds, back away, go about my business. I run my head into this fucking wall until my skull cracks open and I scream MOTHERFUCKER!!!! I screw my skull back together and stagger away. I run full force into this son of a bitching cocksucking shit eating wall and I scream I GIVE THE FUCK UP, THAT HURTS, I DON'T WANT ANYMORE.

And having written that, there's a little voice inside that says "really? are you sure?" God help me, I am sure for this moment. I'm an addict. I am.

Taking the husband to the ER. If you're a praying person, say a prayer for Mike.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Red7Eric said...

I don't really pray, but I'm thinking good thoughts -- what's up? Everything okay?

February 05, 2007 9:14 PM  
Blogger angelfish24 said...

Sorry to hear you are in a rough spot. I've been there lately too. Take it one day at a time as I sure you are. Let us know how you are doing tomorrow and this is just one moment in time. It does get better. I'm not sure I could do the shake thing, I wouldn't last long on that.
Thx for the Tyra clip, that's great.

February 05, 2007 11:22 PM  
Blogger TrixieBelden said...

I hope everything worked out okay at the ER. I don't really pray either, but you are both in my thoughts.

February 05, 2007 11:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lynette,

Glad your back, hope everything went okay with Mike. Just had to take my guy in as well for pneumonia. Love your line, "felt like a scream with a skin on." Pretty much sums up addiction, and the attending frustrations. There were times when I could do nothing but chant the serenity prayer for an hour or two just to keep my damn skin on. Sent Mike a prayer, send one out for Jim if you could.

Tater

February 06, 2007 9:02 AM  
Blogger evilganome said...

Welcome back Lynette. Sorry to hear the world is turning to shit right at the moment. I will think good thoughts about you and Mike. I hope everything is working out okay. I'll keep checking in on you.

February 06, 2007 9:37 AM  

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