i am disconnected
Not feeling at home in my skin or connected to my physical self. This post from Beula touched me. ". . . We drove home the next day in a snowstorm and most of the good body work was undone, but not what I had learned. I for the most part do not own my body, I just flog if from spot to spot. I live in my head. I have chronic neck and shoulder pain and tightness, "my burden mantle." I do not want to live anymore like this. I am ready to shed my burden mantle." Me too.
posted by BigAssBelle at 11:39 AM
5 Comments:
I appreciate this post so much. Lately I've been feeling so frustrated about self-medicating. It seems I go from one thing to the next to the next, never really unplugging and being completely free of all the things I use to numb myself. I've been so curious about this. Why? Is it part habit? Is it that scary to just be me without a buffer zone to the world? What the hell? Is something specific triggering me right now? I don't know.
In Japan they didn't have an Al-Anon in my city so I went to a few of the open AA meetings and I remember at one this guy said that the reason he comes to AA is so that he knows that he has been honest with himself for at least one hour that week. I loved that. And I know that part of my answer is getting my ass to an Al-Anon meeting, but I've been resisting. Why, why, why! Hope that's not saying too much, but this post hit me where I'm at today. Thanks.
And P.S. - Thanks for your comments on Joe.My.God.'s Coulter post. You were the voice of reason on there.
I can so indentitfy with "burden mantle". I don't know why, but I am feeling the opposite right now. I feel connected and on track, perhaps it is two days of rest, and being grateful for the warm house, love of my partner and pup, and writing the post of past insanity from the comforting distance of sobriety. Who the hell knows though? Could just be my dopamine levels...:)
Three comments on the same post doesn't qualify as stalking, does it?
Your post finally got me to an Al-Anon meeting today. It's nothing short of a miracle. And it was an excellent meeting. Thanks once again for being so candid - I needed that!
nope, not stalking. your comments, and tater's, made me think of what i really need to do to get that blissful in-my-own-skin feeling back again. isn't it funny we all seem to be drifting the 12 step way? i don't think it's the magic of 12 steps, i think it's the magic of spiritual connectedness and that is, i suspect, what i'm missing these days. blocked by the fog of self and busy-ness and no quiet time.
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