Wednesday, April 25, 2007

man pee

I've written before about my absurd dainty sisters, so prissy that they squat over the toilet seat and tinkle all over it. The absurdity is that in protecting their own pristine behinds, they never think of the less tight-assed majority of us who plop our fannies down in their wet golden leavings. If you crouch to tinkle, wipe it up, girlz, please.

But men! What is it with y'all? I just went to the potty in my warehouse and, as usual, there's a veritable wreath of droplets around the toilet. It's not the first time ~ the combination of bodily fluids and dirty shoes makes a scuffy black ring around the throne from the repeat performance of this travesty. Happily, there's also a black marked little shuffle to the right in front of the sink, evidence that though y'all can't hit the big bowl, you at least wash up thereafter.


Anonymous Joe / Kusala said...

It's just plain laziness, and I'm afraid to say that I assume the straight men are way worse than us gayz when it comes to making it into the bowl.

I'm hoping at least they put the seat UP when they spray, so you don't have to wipe down before you sit. The worst are those horseshoe-shaped seats, which guys think they don't have to put up, but they get them all wet anyway! I for one, hate having to wipe up other guys' piss off a toilet seat before I sit to do #2!!! Damn!

I've heard that it's a Muslim custom for men to sit when urinating. Maybe when they take over the world, that will be one cultural practice we can be thankful for. I am, of course, joking, so don't anybody get all agitated about the jihad!

April 25, 2007 12:03 PM  
Blogger evilganome said...

I am all too familiar with the black throne ring from my old job. Way too many guys out there with poor aim. And like Joe said, forget about those stupid horseshoe seats. Maybe training videos?

April 25, 2007 12:32 PM  
Blogger more cowbell said...

OMFG, did I not just have this discussion with my daughter the other day? I mean, I went off on the girl. Yes, she is a Squatter, one so fastidious that she protects her own behind, whilst leaving an unpleasant sprinkling for mine. (or, as I put it to her, I am sick and tired of sitting in someone else's nastyass piss, family or not, and if it happens again, I'm bringing out the Fisher-Price toddler toilet and putting it out in the garage for you!) I mean, if my 14yr old son can leave a clean seat ... what the hell is up with the daughter?


Well, not only that, she hadn't replaced the TP roll, so I was really getting my rage on. Stranded.

My last serious boyfriend was a sitter when he peed. He was brought up by a single mom, I'm pretty sure that had something to do with it. I thought that was the height of consideration.

April 25, 2007 3:56 PM  
Blogger Red7Eric said...

Aha!! I found the man pee!

Yes, this is annoying. Men who need to stand in public toilets should use urinals. And if they're at home, they should either clean up after themselves or sit down.

That's not a revolutionary stance, but it's just good common sense.

April 25, 2007 9:02 PM  
Blogger David said...

Always the contrarian, here I am yet again.

Peeing is an imprecise science. There is many the time that I am sure I have aimed properly and find myself spraying in the wrong direction. Various factors affect this: having recently ejaculated, how badly you have to pee, when the last time was that you peed, etc. It all has bearing on your, well, bearing. However, I think the distinct difference is that gay men (and civilized straight men) wipe up after themselves if they miss.

April 26, 2007 10:09 AM  
Blogger Ms. Place said...

Not to belabor the issue, but try going to the bathroom at the end of a 13 hour flight. There's pee all over the floor! I fortify myself by drinking three glasses of wine before going in. Of course, when I sober up, I realize that I wouldn't have had to pee so bad if I hadn't drunk the wine. Duh.

April 27, 2007 12:57 AM  

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