Friday, May 18, 2007

eating

So the eating thing is good and it's bad, it's marvelous and it's terrifying. I feel my tummy and think "I'm losing weight," and I remember the times I've been fooled into thinking so while I've steadily gained.

Afraid to weigh, afraid not to weigh. One month into this deal and it still feels like truth and freedom, but it's just scary as hell to give up my dieting life. Having done so with some success these last few weeks, I am surprised to find that there's energy for other things. I've revamped work so I can work less, accomplish more. I'm working out more, enjoying it like I used to, as if the pressure's off. Finally got through all of the business paperwork that was taking up the dining room table. Mike and I are going for long walks in the evening. I feel peaceful, content. Is this living? Feels like it. In between the scared, it feels like heaven.

8 Comments:

Blogger evilganome said...

Gee, I feel so bad for you. You're happy, you are enjoying your life, you are spending less time driving yourself crazy and spending more time with the man you love, who loves you. I'll see what we can do about an intervention!

Seriously Lynette, it sounds great and I am so happy for you! You are a wonderful person and you deserve all the happiness you can get. It sounds like you have stopped letting food control you and now you are controlling the food.

May 19, 2007 5:29 AM  
Blogger Andrea K said...

I'm right there with you.

Janis Joplin once sang "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." That's definitely how I feel. There's definitely some fear attached to freedom, because you just can't know what the future will hold now that you're not chained down to the dieting rules.

I hope it helps to know that there are others out here walking a parallel path to yours. Enjoy all the good things that are coming your way.

May 19, 2007 6:29 AM  
Blogger TrixieBelden said...

If there's one thing I've learned about you through your blog, it's that you are a brave woman. I say stare this new fear straight in the face and jump off the cliff. You can accomplish anything, including being at peace and enjoying yourself. Being brave isn't about not having fear, it's about having fear and doing it anyway!

May 19, 2007 2:14 PM  
Blogger Ms. Place said...

You are so fabulous. As long as you look good and feel good, eat! And without the guilt.

May 19, 2007 2:17 PM  
Blogger Livvy U. said...

I am so, so glad for you. Keep taking the deep breaths and enjoy.
Livvy

May 19, 2007 5:06 PM  
Blogger Red7Eric said...

I have the opposite problem. You're a compulsive dieter; I'm a compulsive non-dieter. You seem to be doing a better job of overcoming your compulsion, however. Good luck going forward ... freedom is fun, isn't it??

May 19, 2007 7:16 PM  
Anonymous Adam said...

First time reader here.

Just wanted to say that you are an inspiration (anyone who has lost 100+ pounds is an inspiration) and I look forward to enjoying some of that freedom in the future...

I will be an avid reader...

Peace,
Adam

May 19, 2007 11:55 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

It sure sounds like living to me! Enjoy it! :)

May 20, 2007 7:33 AM  

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