full blown instant relapse
On this nondieting thing. Absolutely stunning in its intensity and fueled by contact with a friend who's in the same liquid diet program I was in two years ago. She left and I went into a frenzy writing down every morsel of food I'd eaten during the day, planning how I was going to burn up 500-800 calories at the gym, what to eat tomorrow, how much I could lose by whenever, when should I weigh, have I gained weight and on and on and on. This madness is so deeply ingrained it may never go away. I crave dieting like I crave chocolate.