Monday, November 12, 2007

vandals

Little fuckers have been tagging my warehouse building for the last week. I've been hearing them on the roof when I'm working late, now they've broken out the windows on the north side of the building. It would be near impossible to get in and the alarm would certainly go off, but the thought of little shits running amok amongst the armoires and china cabinets and stained glass and ancient old beds gives me the shudders. I've a notion to plant my ass on the roof tonight with a shotgun, go all crazy on the little bastards. Kind of like these bad girls, who remind me so much of high school.

Heh. My stepmother just called and in the course of discussing the little shits' attack on my building, she suggested I stake it out with a gun. This is the same proper woman who ran off one of my boyfriends with a pistol. Still wild at 75.

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12 Comments:

Anonymous tater said...

Oh to be young again, and strike such "adult" poses. I got an extra kick out of the little girl trying to look bad ass with the cigarette in her hand (she obviously just took up the habit). Have you thought of stringing razor wire around your roof? Make sure it reaches up to testicle level. Maybe one of those signs "this building is protected by Smith & Wesson". I would stop just short of camping out on the roof with a shotgun though. Don't want my Nette arrested for manslaughter...

November 12, 2007 10:50 AM  
Anonymous Mark H said...

I'm with Tater . . .some razor wire.... Sorry to hear it. Like you need MORE to worry about.

November 12, 2007 12:15 PM  
Blogger rodger said...

Two words...Rock Salt.

November 12, 2007 5:00 PM  
Blogger Willym said...

Great song but there's nothing funnier than good girls trying to play bad!

Electrified razor wire? I'm just thinking out loud here.

Better yet sic your stepmother on them!

November 13, 2007 12:50 AM  
Blogger evilganome said...

How about pouring some grease on the roof and then sitting on the back porch with some popcorn to watch the fun? Though Willym and Tater may be onto something with the razor wire.

Gotta love your stepmother.

November 13, 2007 12:18 PM  
Blogger kusala ~ joe said...

Ooh, careful! Don't want to have the Tulsa World blaring headlines like, "Crazy Rooftop Shotgun Woman Arrested After Threatening Children". Haha. Seriously, hope you figure out a way to keep the little fuckers away. How about some super bright lights with motion detectors out around back?

November 13, 2007 1:36 PM  
Anonymous Huntington said...

Lynette -

Sorta off-topic, but did you see the pumpkin map at Strangemaps.com?

http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/2007/11/14/202-united-pumpkins-of-america/

It made me think of you and how you might characterize the strange hole in the middle of Oklahoma.

November 14, 2007 12:38 PM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

damn huntington. oklahoma has an asshole right in the middle of it!

November 14, 2007 5:34 PM  
Blogger Virtual Assistant said...

Lynette,

I'm a Midwestern Babe from the great state of Kansas. I was an excellent marksman in the U.S. Army, and I own several shotguns. I'm now living in the gorgeous Adirondacks in upstate New York; nevertheless, have your people call my people should you ... uh ... need some help with this situation.

;-)

Lori

November 14, 2007 7:14 PM  
Blogger Ms. Place said...

Just let a badger loose in your garage when you're not there. Or a rabid raccoon. That should cure the problem.

November 15, 2007 6:05 AM  
Blogger more cowbell said...

hahaha, I like the badger idea.

Little bastards. their mamas didn't raise them right.

November 15, 2007 1:12 PM  
Blogger Doralong said...

Three words-

Big Ass Dog.

November 18, 2007 9:41 AM  

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