Tuesday, December 04, 2007

i love lesbians and other random thoughts

It is still too fucking cold. I hate this damp chill. The contrast between the warmth and sun of Mexico and this horror is unbearable.

Coming home to little dogs is truly one of the greatest pleasures of life.

Finding the aloof and dignified cat in a very affectionate state is sweet.

Folks I met from Canada and Mexico and Panama and Peru and England and France also think Bush is a cretin and a thug. Not big news, but comforting. I asked everyone to have their countries send well armed covert ops people to rescue us.

I love lesbians! I found myself in need of help before we departed Mazatlan. In just an instant of looking around the terminal for assistance, I was suddenly surrounded by a trio of helpful gals who conspired to rescue me with a peso. Sweet, funny, no nonsense middle-aged dykes who left me feeling a bit melancholy for my activist years in the women’s movement.

Mexican butter rocks. And coconut LaLa yogurt is fantastic.

There is nothing quite like freshly caught shrimp, quickly boiled and iced down and served with a tongue-burning cocktail sauce thick with horseradish. Nothing.

No matter how nice the accommodations, hotel beds suck.

The average American we encountered in Mexico well deserves the pejorative gabacho. What a bunch of clowns: so rude, obnoxious, cheap, condescending.

Men who grow wide expanses of pubic hair should not wear teensy thongs on the beach unless they’re willing to wax. Or at least trim. Ick.

Snorkeling in rough water can cause a buoyant woman to crash hard into a rocky shore where escape entails a heroic struggle between incoming waves and undertow. To avoid broken bones and drowning, the only solution is swimming like hell under water, thus risking a close encounter with razor sharp coral. That the coral is razor sharp is evidenced by the gouges across my formerly pristine tummy. I am now waiting to see if the legend proves true: that coral will sprout from my wounds.

I was born to live a life of leisure. I don't know how I ended up with this one.

Blogger friends and pals can be missed as severely as "real" ones.

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Blogger eric3000 said...

Welcome back! Sounds wonderful (except for the wounds)!

December 04, 2007 6:57 PM  
Anonymous BJ in NZ said...

"Men who grow wide expanses of pubic hair should not wear teensy thongs..."

Mmmmm...needs a Brazilian!! lol!

Nice to have you back! (as fiesty as ever!)


December 04, 2007 7:49 PM  
Blogger m00nchild said...

Ay Caramba, when I run into fellow Americans while travelling abroad I run the other way.

December 04, 2007 8:27 PM  
Blogger Doralong said...

Glad to see you're home safe and sound- if not un-scarred..

SOunds like an excellent holiday all in all! Personally I have always depended on the kindness of strange lesbians ;)

December 04, 2007 9:21 PM  
Blogger evilganome said...

Welcome back! Glad to hear you had a good time and glad to hear that the girls rode to the rescue.

December 05, 2007 3:39 AM  
Anonymous tater said...

Glad you are back and feeling feisty. Born to a life of leisure? I can so get behind that, but I'm afraid it isn't really true in my case. My leisure would end up sprouting into twelve new all encompassing "hobbies", which all demand my IMMEDIATE attention. Something tells me you would be the same way, "idle hands..." Hope you don't get that horrible degenerative disease caused by blood contact with coral...



December 05, 2007 5:03 AM  
Blogger Red7Eric said...

Aren't lesbians the best? If I believed in God, I'd think that the dykes were truly God's chosen people. Well, except for Sandy ... and Pat. But the rest of them are dandy!

December 05, 2007 7:05 AM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

eric! yes! i thought of you and your recent cruise . . . maybe next year for exploring the entire western coast of mexico.

bj :-) do men ever get those? brazilians, i mean? the very thought makes me want to screech.

mOOnchild . . . yup, so awful to watch folks' expressions as i admit to being not only from the US but from a red state. (please someone, send a team to save us!)

DL, EG . . . the "girls" :-) were absolutely charming. i remember when a whole passel of mature lesbians appeared in my AA home group. it was heaven. it just felt like having moms everywhere.

tater: yup, i'd be a busy leisurely person for certain. but in a good way and unfrenzied, unlike the day to day hassle of work. i swear i'm going to shoot the next asshole who tells me "i could never retire, i don't know what i would dooooooo with myself." such a waste. happily, my tummy is healing nicely and i don't expect horns of coral to sprout, nor any horrible degenerative disease, funny boy.

eric: they are THE best. i think you are right, they're the chosen ones and absolutely dandy.

December 05, 2007 7:32 AM  
Anonymous http://kamrinskarma.wordpress.com/ said...

Yippee! You have returned! If the lesbians arrive, please send some my way! A posse would be preferred! I wanna see photos if you start sprouting coral!

December 05, 2007 9:46 AM  
Blogger Willym said...

And Lady have we missed you!

Glad the vacation was a good one - just think you can now reveal your deep sea diving scars on festive family occassions.

As to the boorish Americans - when we lived in Mexico City we'd head down to Accapulco et al for R & R and only speak Spanish - never English or French in case someone mistook us for boorish Canadian tourists. Afraid its just like Noel Coward said: Why do the wrong people travel, while the right people stay back home?

The Kindness of Lesbians - sort of sounds like one of those pulp fiction novels from the '50s.

And ain't the welcome of pets the mostly wonderful home coming gift.

Glad you're back and rested.

December 05, 2007 3:27 PM  
Anonymous BJ in NZ said...

Belle. re: hairy men...not only Brazillians but also "back, crack and sac", or so I'm lead to believe!!

And a very hairy, beary, xmas to you too!!


December 05, 2007 3:58 PM  
Blogger David said...

Welcome back BAB.

December 05, 2007 4:14 PM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

kamrin, i think we all need a posse of lesbians to guide us. and yes, should i sprout coral from my wounds, i'll expose them here for all the world to see :-)

willym, i suffer from justifiable low country-esteem. i don't think there are any traveling boors like those from the US, and it seems that all of the canucks i met were charming. a small sampling, of course, colored by my own hatred of my government i'm sure. i'll be by shortly to see how little reesie is doing. dogs :-)

BJ ~ no. tell me that's NOT true. sac? that little soft, tender-skinned thing covered with wax and then ripped free? i've waxed a few body parts before and it. fucking. HURTS.

david :-) thank you.

December 05, 2007 5:39 PM  
Blogger totegirl said...

"I was born to live a life of leisure. I don't know how I ended up with this one."

Why can't we all be independently wealthy? Well, glad to have you back!

December 05, 2007 10:15 PM  
Blogger Dusty said...

What a simply delightful post BaB! Your sense of humor is so uplifting..I heart you woman ;)

December 05, 2007 10:29 PM  
Blogger rodger said...

You sound wonderfully rested and care free.

Mexican Coke is great too...real sugar instead of corn syrup!! And..if you were to grow coral from your tummy wounds...I'm sure it would be as beautiful, spectacular and unique as our wonderful Belle.

It's GREAT to have you back!

December 05, 2007 11:14 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

I once broke down on a dark highway in the wee hours of the night (this was WAY pre cell phones) and was waving my arms for help and planning to run and lock myself in the car if a sicko stopped. And who pulled over to save me? A solid, sensible, middle-aged lesbian who was heading out to go fishing before work. My god, I was happy to see that woman. Could have married her on the spot. And you do feel so safe, because not only will they lend a hand, they'll kick anyone's ass who bothers you.

December 05, 2007 11:34 PM  
Anonymous ewe said...

Welcome back. Perhaps you are a fellow artist who practices the art of living?

December 06, 2007 12:17 AM  
Blogger LSL said...

Aw, Belle, we missed you, too! And what a great list this is. For better or for worse, welcome home.

December 06, 2007 6:48 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

Welcome Home! Reading your post brought warm thoughts on this cold New York morning. (22 degrees!)

In other news: mmmmm large expanses of pubic hair. ;-)

December 06, 2007 8:25 AM  
Anonymous lynette said...

totegirl, i just don't know! why is it? and those who have those lives of leisure just don't appreciate it as much as we would.

hi dustygirl! i'm working on something for sirens :-) smooches.

rodger ~ i do feel great. i had no idea. they're definitely coke drinkers ~ mike ran them out of pepsi in the first 24 hours. real sugar? damn. and thank you.

elizabeth ~ what a great story. :-)

ewe: maybe so :-) i actually practiced the art of art on the beach, sketching for the first time in 30 years. sad, but fun.

lsl, thanks cupcake. you are my travel inspiration.

michael: 22. i would die. it's something horrid like 40 here this morning and it is misery. and yes, i'm a fan of pubic hair, just not with a little bit of thong cloth running right up the middle of it. that made it icky, somehow.

December 06, 2007 9:23 AM  
Blogger SubtleKnife said...

Lynette!!! welcome back!
mwah! mwha! mwah!
(I'm Dutch, so three kisses)

You know, we NEED more coral, so it would be a very good thing if you could sprout some...

I think when I die I'll have them sink me like they do other large vessels when they become useless, to encourage coral growth.

Brion, do you get the Graham Norton show over there? He had someone getting a back, sack and crack on the show.

I got tears in my eyes from sympathy pain for parts I don't even have...

December 06, 2007 2:24 PM  
Blogger Male Nurse Dave said...

Oh my god, I love Lala yogurt!

December 07, 2007 7:40 AM  
Blogger Ms. Place said...

Oh, what a fine description of your vacation! I laughed about the men with thongs.

December 07, 2007 9:22 AM  
Blogger more cowbell said...

I'm pretty sure I saw those guys with wide expanses at Lake Balaton in Hungary. Speedos were not meant to be worn by everyone.

Glad you're back, Lynette. this post made me smile.

December 09, 2007 6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You and me both, re: women who love women. And ladies who fancy the ladies.

What I seldom share for irreconcilable reasons is my love of lesbian fiction. Pulp and serious stuff too, whenever I think I can grasp it. From Ann Bannon to Audre Lorde, bring it on!

The rawness of what I feel as a man, especially sexually, lacks a lexicon. But if action speaks louder, how women write and talk about sex says it all for me -- at least, as far as I've read.


December 21, 2007 12:41 AM  

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