Monday, December 08, 2008


Back from Mexico a few days now. The trip was heaven. I am so not meant for cold and dark. When I used to grow all of my garden plants from seed, I'd occasionally end up leaving a flat of tomatoes or poppies or whatever in a dark place for a few days. Once the poor things were returned to the light, they were invariably stretched out and soft and weak and yellowing. Some filtered sun would make them strong again, but they were never quite the same.

I feel like a little pepper plant left too long in the dark. When did winter get to be so miserable? Cold, with winds gusting to 50 mph and dark, dark, dark. There's a reason bears hibernate and I'm feeling like one. As grouchy as a bear, too.

But speaking of gusting winds, we loaded up in Houston about 7:15 Wednesday night, then sat on the runway for 90 minutes. Big thunderstorms were approaching the (ack! ack!) George Bush International Airport from the north, and we were redirected to fly west, thus more fuel for the detour.

At last we were airborn. We didn't crash on takeoff ~ always a fear ~ and seemed to be gaining altitude well. Smooth sailing until . . . until the wings were perpendicular to the ground and the plane swung wildly back the other way and dropped several feet and bucked a few times in a get-this-cowboy-the-fuck-off-my-back kind of bronco bull way. The lights flickered and we bounced around some more and I bit my tongue and then there were lights flashing outside the windows. Lightning?

I don't know. I just know that the first time I quit flying was the result of a trip on a 12 seater Conoco jet (out of fucking Houston again). Flew around, over and under massive thunderstorms for 500 miles. The only thing that saved my sanity was being able to sit with the pilots after we crossed the Red River.

Commercial pilots don't encourage that, but I was thinking of knocking on the cabin door when we rolled again. Rolled. It felt like we were going all the way over. Can commercial jets do tricks? Whatever, it was hideous for a recovering hysterical flier. More drops and jumps and then the back end swung around so we were sort of sideways to the way we'd been going. Lots of loud and unfamiliar noises convinced me the wings were going to come off.

All I could think of after that was that I need to set up a trust or something for the animals. Mo is a sweet cat and anyone would take him, but Bill and Betty, the terriers, are wholly unadoptable and would end up in a shelter or used as bait for fighting dogs.

After that, wouldn't you think the pilot would say something? Anything? Just a "hey folks, mean little cloud there, eh?" or some fucking thing? Not a peep out of these two. Just continued flapping on as if nothing had happened.

So there it is. Nice vacation, big scare, worry about the dogs, too fucking cold, why won't my stepdaughter quit hassling me about NuSkin, I need to get new prescription sunglasses for my old bifocal-needing eyes, little Boo licked a hot spot onto her hip while we were gone, my boyfriend's grumpy too, there's not enough sleep in the world to get me through winter.

And you? How are you? Tell, please.

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Blogger David said...

I'm ok, but mostly I'm glad you're safely home =)

December 08, 2008 6:06 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I could use a lot of Mexico right now....good for soul renewal! Hysterical flyer, that would be me, so that story was really scary! Glad you're home safe......

December 08, 2008 6:43 PM  
Anonymous ewe said...

Boyfriend? I thought you were married. sorry. I am freezing and did not dress correctly today. Bone chilling cold is not for me either. Sounds like your trip was very mild and relaxing after the flight. Welcome back.

December 08, 2008 11:34 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

How am I? Oh, darling, OH so much better now that you are back blogging and commenting again. [wink!]

Every other little thing... well, just too boring for words. I'll kvetch about it all some other time.

We'd all love photos though...

December 09, 2008 12:17 AM  
Blogger Willym said...

How am I? Well first so damned happy when I saw that you had posted a little something. Its so good to have you back where you belong!

Been doing some flying myself - over to Athens for a week for our 30th anniversary, up to Munich for the Christmas Markets and all with the help of a few Ativan to stop me from screaming: We're all going to be killed! everytime the planes rolled. Sounds like you had one of those take-offs from hell I use to hide under the seat during - scared the hell out of the other passangers when I was wearing my uniform.

Other than that still dogless so if you want to leave the pups to me you know I'd take them in a heartbeat. Got experience with a deaf doggie, you know. And on that I'm serious.

Glad you got some warmth and sun I don't even want to think of what I'll be like once we return to Canadian winters.

Anyway Lady welcome back!

December 09, 2008 6:09 AM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

Thank you David, cupcake. And Chris, I debated as to whether to share that story. It would give the shivers to delicate fliers (flyers?) even though I ~ we all ~ know we're safer in the air, right? RIGHT??? ;-)

Ewe, honey. I am married. We shacked up for eight years before doing the official thing. When I'm feeling friendly toward him, he's my boyfriend still.

Joe, Daddy and I have our cappies and coaties on, just waiting for a pickup. Can you get us the fuck out of here? Every time I think Oklahoma can't get worse, it does. Sigh. It's kind of like Sodom & Gomorrah: is there even one righteous person in OK? I almost wish the entire state would get its comeuppance for being so stupid, turn us all into pillars of salt for our sins of judgment and hate

Willym, pumpkin! But wait! You were a steward, weren't you? Pilot? Something in the air. AND YOU'RE SCARED TO FLY??? Now that's comforting ;-) I appreciate the offer on the pups. You may be surprised one day when you get a call from a lawyer telling you you've got two dogs and a pension to support them ;-) thanks sweetie.

December 09, 2008 9:57 AM  
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December 09, 2008 10:36 AM  
Blogger Dusty said...

I am happy you are home safely. ITs frigid here in the San Joaquin valley..highly unusual this time o' year for us.

Watching with great interest the busting of Rod Blagojevich's balls by Patrick Fitzgerald. We finally get a Fitzmas! ;)

December 09, 2008 1:41 PM  
Blogger Dusty said...

I would never let your terriers go someplace horrible..I would take them..put it in your will sista woman. ;)

December 09, 2008 1:42 PM  
Blogger Doralong said...

Have your lawyer put a small living trust together for the babies, pretty simple matter actually. Sorry the flight sucked, but glad you're home safe and sound. Try light therapy, seriously! You'd be amazed.

I shan't bore you with my current life Lynette- Hang in there, and I hope your Daddy is doing well.

December 10, 2008 5:12 AM  
Blogger WRG said...

Hi Lynette,

Glad to see you back in one piece. I don't like flying either, although I have to for work several times a year. I would love to go to Mexico, though, flying be damned.

How am I? My mother-in-law is making my life miserable from the grave! Aside from that, it's cold and slippery here, but we'll all be off school/work soon. Looking forward to that for a few weeks.



December 10, 2008 11:53 AM  
Blogger tankmontreal said...

It's a good thing you haven't had to move to Canada after all: you'd go berserk in winter. Even I am cursing it publicly this year - me, who normally thinks it's unseemly to complain about weather of any description.
Welcome back. You've been missed.

December 10, 2008 1:47 PM  
Blogger evilganome said...

Things are okay here. Glad you're back and that you had a good time.

I'm a New Englander and should be used to this, but winter is getting me down already and we haven't even had any really bad weather yet.

December 10, 2008 5:51 PM  
Blogger TedBear said...

Hi Hon! Welcome back! I am on my last business trip of the year.

Work is excellent! My team rocks! We are at 138% of plan, with a 20%+ increase in goal over last year.

We finally closed on the other house. That is the best news of the year. Two mortgages for 1.5 years SUCKS, and not in a good way. I had no idea what a mental burden that was until it was closed and gone.

And my Overeducated Redneck is wonderful, as always. We are headed to his family in Redneckistan Lousiana Christmas night. Then, we will buzz over to Southern Mississippi for more redneck fun. All kidding aside, they are a great family and will be great fun. After that, off to the Caribbean for some warmth. It was 30 F this morning, and 40 for the high. I need beach time, too!

Can you do anything to get that Kern woman out of office? Just tell us where to donate. She and her preacher husband are just plain 'ol mean!

December 10, 2008 8:48 PM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

Dusty, you're an angel. Thank you. My babies don't know how fortunate they are to have people willing to take them, bad as they are :-)

Dora, please tell, honey. And I have thought of light therapy. At least upping my over-50-years-of-age 40 watters in the lamps all over the house to at least 60s until a month or two after solstice.

Wendy, the MIL problem. Are you telling me it isn't over even after death??? Good heavens, as if I wasn't already gloomy with the cold :O

Tank, I know I would go berserk if I lived in a really frosty clime. I'd be one of those hatchet women, bludgeoning my family to death, then taking out after the neighbors. There are a lot of Canucks in Mexico . . . just sayin.

Tony, we need to buy a big old house on the beach where we can all hole up any time we want to. It will be a gay and fans of gay house and we'll all be able to go get a dose of warm and cozy at any time of the year. Winter flat out sucks. I thought of you, though, when I started lifting weights again this week . . .

Teddy Bear! Yay on the house! Happy news indeed. I know that's been hanging over your head. You're going to outer redneckistan for Christmas, I'm going to go stay with my papa, just the two of us. As for the cold, I think it's worse for us sitting here in the upper south. Yankees are prepared. We're delicate flowers in need of warm air, sunshine, soft breezes ;-)

As for Sally Kern and that husband . . . I have nothing. Those two bigots are absolutely stunning.

December 10, 2008 9:22 PM  
Blogger more cowbell said...

"... or used as bait for fighting dogs." OK, I tried not to laugh, but that was funny.

How am I? Well, let's see, it's almost the shortest day of the year, and I'm prit'near close to as far north as one can get in CONUS, so I'm pretty fucking pissy. It's dark when I leave for work, and dark again when I step out of the office, no kidding.

Blech. I hate winter. I hate dark. I hate rain.

Bah, Humbug.

Besides that, welcome back, from your crabby, pissy, grouchyass fan!

December 10, 2008 10:06 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Welcome back! Hope you had a great trip. I passed a challenging milestone and am hanging in there. All one can ask....

December 11, 2008 1:51 PM  
Blogger Elaine Warner said...

SOOO glad you're back -- I've missed your blogs. Man, can I relate -- I HATE cold weather. But you can't leave the state -- we need every scrap of intelligence we can get! Have you seen the ecard the state GOP is sending out? Each of the seventy-seven counties turns red in time to a Christmas carol. If Santa finds out, they'll get shit in their stockings!

December 11, 2008 7:04 PM  
Blogger Bitsy said...

I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now. You make me feel more sane. I, too, live in Oklahoma. Joy... Fortunately, I've found my tribe of like-minded friends so my soul doesn't completely shrivel up and die.

I haven't flown since 2000 and am supposed to go to New York in the spring with my friends to celebrate our 50th birthdays. But I am a practicing hysterical flier and after hearing your story maybe I'll just get new flooring instead.

Glad you're back!

December 11, 2008 10:30 PM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

MC . . . had to laugh at "pretty fucking pissy" ~ me too, honey. Winter + dark + rain is pretty much a recipe for wrist slitting. Hate it. More so as I advance upon my dotage.

Jeff ~ hey pumpkin! milestone? I'll be by to see in a moment . . . congratulations in advance?

MissElaine ~ I did see that sickening thing. 2 out of 3 of my fellow Oklahomans on the street voted for the Rethugs. Stunning.

Bitsy ~ don't give up on flying. It is SO much better than driving and it opens up the world. When I get really freaked out, I think of all of the airports around the world, how many thousands and thousands of planes are taking off every minute, and how few encounter problems. We're safe in the air. And it may be the only way, in the end, to escape the hellhole we live in :-)

December 12, 2008 8:39 AM  
Blogger Maine Gay said...

Okay, that story made my stomach do a few flips - and I wasn't even on the plane! Glad you made it home safely, and we await pictures patiently.

December 14, 2008 11:54 AM  

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